Sunday, October 17, 2010

Just one of those days.

Well, Joe's been gone a month (on the 19th) and it hasn't gotten easier. For a good part of this month the command sponsership website hasn't worked so I didn't know where we were on the wait list. Well the website is working again and we haven't moved. We're still #32. So it's looking like I'm not going to go to Korea now meaning Joe will be gone for a year. He'll get to come home for a month at some point but then I have to go through sending him back to Korea....again. With knowing that, I'm not sure how I'm going to get through this next year. It's been a month and I haven't handled it well at all. There are days I feel like I'll be completely fine with him being gone for a year and there are days I don't know how I can possibly survive the rest of the day.

To make matters worse, I have to go through my 2nd Thanksgiving, his birthday, Christmas, and New Years without Joe. I'm terrified he'll come home next year, we'll go wherever the Army sends us, and then he'll deploy AGAIN for the holidays. I would love to have 1 full year with him before we have kids or anything like that. It doesn't look like that will be happening for a few more years.

If I were near my parents like I was while he was deployed this would be a lot easier. But I'm living alone for the first time ever and it sucks. I'm not looking forward to this again. I've got Joe's dad and step-mom an hour away (who doesn't come to Savannah), my cousin almost an hour and a half away (who doesn't come to Savannah), Joe's sister who is about 30 minutes away (who I haven't seen since....August and doesn't seem to have any interest in talking to me), and one friend here in Savannah. Of all of them, the only one to ask how I've been and to come see me is Dana (the friend here in Savannah). Thats sad but I'm glad I at least have her.

By the is one of those days I don't know how I'll go on...=\

Thursday, October 14, 2010

You think you know but you have no idea...

It's a very hard time when you go from just having seperation anxiety to depression. I know it's apart of the anxiety but there has to be a fine line from when your anxiety is just anxiety and everything else is just depression. Just got told last night (well....more like 2am) that there is a very high chance that I won't go to Korea with Joe. They apparently just approved everyone to go and since we were #32 on the list we probably shouldn't have gotten approved. Very hard to hear. Not taking that news well. Really hoping time flys by so the 27th will get here and I make it to my appointment to help me out with whats going on. There are days I don't want to try to make it to the 27th. =\

This sucks more than anyone can's getting too hard to be optimistic.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Sleep, How I Miss You....

Joe left 3 weeks ago for Korea and it's been a horrible 3 weeks. It's beyond lonely living alone and scary as hell being in Savannah without anyone here to help me if I needed it. What's the worse is trying to sleep in our bed. I got so use to sleeping in our bed with him in it. At first it was hard to get use to him being there and now I can't sleep in it without him. =\ I've opted for sleeping on the couch with my phone and computer by me incase Joe gets online. It seems desperate to sleep by my laptop but getting to talk to Joe, even if it's 4am, completely makes my day and really helps me get through a good part of my day. And it helps me sleep after he gets offline. I'm constantly tired but I can't ever sleep. I end up passing out at some point during the night and then during the day I end up taking a nap at some point during the day. Usually for about an hour. I miss actually sleeping through the night.

I remember when I moved to Georgia in March. Joe had to work in the morning and on some days I did too. We would go to bed by 9 and be asleep by 10. I remember waking up at 9am if I didn't have to work in the morning and I would wait for Joe to get home for lunch. Then I would clean, plan our wedding, and wait for Joe to get off of work. After the wedding was completely planned and we were finally married, I was bored all the time waiting for Joe to get home from work but when he got home I'd cook dinner, watch him play a few games and we would go to bed by 9. I miss those days. =(

I can't wait to be in Korea with Joe so I can finally sleep again. *sigh*

Sunday, October 10, 2010

How I got to where I am now

I'm new to this so bare with me. I'll start out with a little background on how I became an Army wife.

On June 19, 2010 I married my lovely husband, Joe. Joe and I met in high school at Bradwell Institute. He was a senior and I was a freshman. We don't know exactly how we met but we assume it was through a mutual friend, James. From the day we met Joe started walking me to chorus everyday. I remember thinking at first that this guy was kinda creepy for walking me to class but eventually the guy with beautiful bright blue eyes didn't seem creepy. He was sweet. =) I really liked him and I could tell he liked me but I assumed nothing would come of it because there was a 4 year difference between us. Joe says he didn't know I liked him, though I thought it was apparent. After he graduated in 2001 we lost touch. June of 2009 I started cleaning my bedroom and I found my senior book. I found Joes name card (the card that has your full name and "class of....") and thought about looking him up on facebook. He was the only "Joe Wheale" so it was easy to find him and he looked just like he did in high school. We talked for about a week and he decided to come up to Kentucky to see me for the 4th of July. He spent the weekend with me and it was great. We set off some fireworks with my friends and talked about whats been going on in our lives since we last saw each other. In August Joe came back to Kentucky to pick me up and bring me back to Georgia for a week. The day we were going to leave, we had to go to a funeral of one of my friends, Chase Provence. He was more than willing to stay for the whole thing despite us not leaving for Ga until 6pm that night. We had a lovely week together and he drove me back to Ky at the end of that week. We didn't get to see each other for September since I was concentrating on school but we did get to see each other in Oct. I came to Ga the first week and he came to Ky to see me the last week. I got to Ga on the 5th of Oct very early in the morning and waited at the hotel for Joe to get off work. He got off, met me at the hotel, and we went ring shopping. We had talked a lot about getting married because we both felt like when we met up again we just picked up where we left off in high school. That night, Joe proposed with a ring he had bought 5 days earlier. He's sneaky sometimes. We told everyone and the only two that  honestly were happy for us were my 2 friends, Laura and Cabrina. We got questioned as to why by practically everyone. Regardless of how everyone felt about it, we were in love and we were going to do it. Joe deployed for Afganistan in November (the 18th) for 4 months. He came home safely in February (the 20th). In March (the 8th) I moved down to Ga to live with Joe and to start planning our wedding. We planned everything (with the help of a few people) and had a beautiful wedding  June 19. =)
3 months after being married, on Sept. 19, I had to drive Joe to the airport to go to Korea. I'm on a waiting list to join him. As of right now, we're #32. We're hoping by January I'll have my orders and I'll see my amazing husband again. If we don't have my orders by May or June, we're going to take me off the list and he'll come home in September and we'll move to Ft. Hood, Tx. If I do get my orders, I'll join him in Korea and he'll be there for 2 years total (back in the states Sept. 2012). Then, we'll go to Ft. Hood.
So now it's just a waiting game on what our future holds. *sigh* Wish us luck.